China Wins Again

Some days, actually many days, things in China don’t go the way you thought they would. In America, you might complain or take some action to fix things. In China, it is best to accept that you have been had, misinformed, or generally screwed and move on. This is known as, “China Wins Again” or “CWA”.

One day after some monasteries and hiking in Tibet, our guide Dawa told us that we had time for a boat ride. We were all game for a relaxing boat ride. We arrived at a dirty, greasy, mostly abandoned collection of mud houses next to the river. We “negotiated” with the boss to rent our own boat for about $30 USD. We had to wait for a half hour or so. While we waited I watched a cow eat about 50 cigarette butts and some cardboard on the shore.

The Vessel

When the boat arrived Chinese people also got on the boat and the skipper told Dawa that they were locals and we would drop them at the other shore. The “locals” told us they were from Shanghai. About 10 minutes into the “River Cruise” and after some intense questioning of Dawa, I realized we were on the local ferry to the other side of the river. So now, everyone was hungry and realizing the River Cruise was about 1/10th as cool as we thought and we had another 2 hours to Lhasa, a hot shower and a cold beer.

The Skipper

The ferry terminus was a mud bank with a few trees and about 30 people who wanted to go to where we came from. I told Dawa that the mud bank was great and that we should go back to the collection of mud huts immediately. Meanwhile all 30 people on the shore started lobbying to ride on the boat back to the mud huts. Intense negotiations ensued. I was still wondering why Dawa thought this would be a good idea. My only requirement was that the people we took back would not exceed 5 in number (so we would not drown in icy Tibetan waters).

The Negotiations

We asked the skipper if we could leave and boarded the boat in an effort to avoid confrontation. Things were getting a little volatile and our non-decision efforts were probably making it worse. Just then, the local Chinese cops rolled up in a 4x4. Tibetan jail was imminent. The cops got out, swaggered through the crowd and got on the boat. The crowd said nothing. We said nothing. The cops sat down and started staring at us. The driver put out his smoke and started pushing us off the mud bank. It seemed that these guys just wanted to get to the other side like everyone else. Our big problem of who to take was solved! I was pretty happy to be involved with police corruption at that point. I was still a little nervous though, as in, I really did not want to go to Tibetan jail.

Eventually the coppers offered us cigarettes. It was like those movies where you get a smoke before they torture you. In our case, the decision to accept the gift of cancer sticks made us instant buddies with the cocky peace keepers. Actually, in China, turning down an offer of a cigarette can be seen as rude as it is a gift and most dudes really don’t know or care about cancer.

The Fuzz

Upon arrival at the mud huts, we said thanks and got the heck out of there in case these guys changed their mind about our freedom. We blew by the cigarette eating cow, piled into the SUV and told the driver to step on it. But act cool. No looking in the rear view mirror.

We went from pissed and hungry, to irritated and facing potential drowning on an overcrowded boat, to a Tibetan jail sentence to buddies with the local law all in the course of an hour. While it all turned out be ridiculous and fun at the same time, I still have not figured out why Dawa thought we should pay 30 bucks to ride a ferry to a mud bank….China Wins Again!

7 Days in Tibet; or, "Hey Lama, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?”

I went to Tibet. In Tibet, I met happy monks, drank yak butter tea, visited an old lady’s cave, got boarded by corrupt cops, got altitude sickness, got my photo taken with a yak at 15,000 feet, bought knick knacks, ate lots of yak meat, drank really bad Tibetan beer, gave clothes and school supplies to filthy orphans, danced the Macarena with 500 Tibetans at 1:00 AM in an upstairs firetrap of a bar, did lots of passing on blind corners, and smiled until my face hurt.

I did not find enlightenment from the Lamas but I did have a lot of fun with them. Check the photos.

Beggar Kids who Forgot to Beg for a Minute

Lhasa

Nowhere, Tibet

Dude in a Cave, You Decide if he is a Monk

Monastery Way the Heck up There

Prayer Wheels

Prayer Flags

Palace

More Flags, Altitude Sickness/Elightenment Imminent

Politics and Puking

View From Yak Hotel

I went to Tibet. That sounds weird. I will tell you right away that you are not going to get enlightened or whatever by taking a plane ride to Tibet. Sure those monks are cool and they smile a lot which is also cool, but I think you could get enlightened by listening to the priest instead of sleeping or tacking an extra couple miles onto your jog. No I think a lot of people think they are enlightened up there because there isn’t any oxygen. I mean seriously, you are pretty much delirious the whole time. We stayed at a place in Lhasa called the Yak hotel and it was fitting because I did exactly that the first night we were there. Lhasa is about 12,000 feet altitude. I have been at that altitude before but not for long and if you stay there long enough you get “enlightened” and then you puke.

Survivor of Cultural Revolution

Tibet is the highest region on earth, thus the puking (altitude sickness).

It borders India. Buddhism is the main religion. The Chinese invaded Tibet in 1950. Tibet did not have much of an army so they were conquered. A lot of Tibetans were killed. The Chinese always thought Tibet belonged to them but it is also militarily important so they decided to rule it and keep a military presence. The Chinese have embarked on a campaign to colonize Tibet. They incentivize native Chinese to live there so now the Chinese outnumber the Tibetans. The Chinese have done an excellent job of providing really good infrastructure and at the same time knocking down monasteries (during the Cultural Revolution). So when you see those sweet “Free Tibet” bumper stickers, that is what they are talking about. It is similar to when Americans eliminated Native Americans except with less bloodshed and more effort to provide services and infrastructure to the native people. Personally I think those bumper stickers are bubble gum philosophy (actually anybody trying to spread wisdom at 60 MPH might be a bubble gum philosopher). Firstly, The Dalai Lama gave it up. He doesn’t want independence, just autonomy. He knows that the Chinese are stubborn bastards and that barren piece of land is a buffer between India and China. So if you think about how many Indian dudes are in the Indian Army (as frail as they may be), and you think about how paranoid the Chinese communist machine is, you have to realize that “Free Tibet” just ain’t happening. So you have to work with the system so you can retain some culture, religious freedom and maybe have a little bit of political power in the hands of the indigenous people. Secondly, those “Free Tibet” bumper sticker guys should change those stickers to “If your country is militarily important, you had better get an army or an ally that is willing to go head to head with 1.3 billion Chinese dudes who will do whatever the government tells them to without question”. Tibet belongs to China now. Just like the American west belongs to America and not the people who lived there before. Americans are not giving it back and neither is China.

Monk Unaware of Imminent Indian Invasion

Sorry about the politics. Maybe my thoughts are bubble gum. I feel like a college student or something. In fact my head hurts now so forget I wrote any of that stuff.

To sum up, Tibet is awesome. China thought so too and took it. Now they let people go there for tourism. I went there and met excellent Chinese people and excellent Tibetan people. And puked.