Xi'an

Xi'an



I went to Xi'an on the weekend. Xi'an is the place with the Terracotta Warriors. It is about a 2.5 hour flight east of Shanghai. It is not very crowded during this time of year because it is ridiculously hot.

Xi'an is a fun place to visit. It has been a capital of 11 Chinese dynasties over 4,000 years. So it has some old stuff. As in, the Romans hadn't even thought of Rome while these Chinese guys were building cities and ruling people. So there is a lot of good tourism. The biggest draw is the Terracotta army. Apparently, this emporer had this huge clay army buried with him when he died. He wanted these guys to help him rule another another empire in the afterlife. There are also remains of the craftsmen buried in the tomb as the emporer was afraid that they would tell people about the huge clay army. So, Xi'an tourism is based on a complete whackjob emporer's insane idea that a clay army buried in the ground along with a bunch of workers he killed are helping him rule a big kingdom in the sky. Maybe he was right, but either way, his clay army is pretty awesome.

Xi'an is polluted. I thought Shanghai had ridiculously bad air pollution. I have now changed my opinion. Shanghai has extremely bad air pollution; Xi'an has ridiculously bad air pollution. I think they lost the sun about 20 years ago. Children under the age of 20 have no idea what sunshine is. I was happy to breathe "fresh" air when I got back to Shanghai.

Xi'an has a big Muslim influence. They have a lot of mosques. It was the eastern terminus of the Silk Road which was the big trading route between the east and places like Turkey, Iran and Egypt. So there is a lot of spicy lamb on the streets. They also have some really spicy bread that they cook on a fire. I completely dropped the ball because I heard that they put the lamb inside the bread to make a Chinese sandwich. I failed to try this delicacy. I was travelling with an English girl who has lived China for almost 2 years and hates Chinese food. So my Xi'an dining was limited to the hotel buffet and street food. The street food was great and unlimited beer redeemed the buffet.

Xi'an has a really good university so there are a lot of smart people. We met an astronomer who charged a mere 10 RMB to take a look at the moon.

Chinese Astronomer

Xi'an has an old walled city. You can ride a bicycle all the way around the city. It was too hot for that, so we just took photos of the warriors on the wall.

City Wall

By far my favorite thing in Xi'an was playing street games at midnight. They had a knock down the jugs game, a game where you have to throw a baseball in a bucket and a brilliant game whereby you have to make a bamboo ring land on top of a piece of wood with the amount of the prize written on it. A guy with jacked up pants and a long stick like a craps dealer set all of these pieces of wood out on the sidewalk and charged 1 RMB for for bamboo rings. It was impossible. I think the guy with the jacked up pants must be rich. I did win some cards on the baseball game.

I don't think anything really insane happened. I may have seen insanity but I think I am getting used to it. For example, the English girl wanted a better picture of a temple, so I suggested that she stand in the middle of a 4 lane highway. She had to laugh because she missed the obvious solution to the problem. Anyway, Xi'an is a lot of fun. Even though I nearly overheated and passed out one day walking around in the brutal sun (is it bad when you stop sweating?) and I probably took a year off my life by sucking on the coal laden air, I really liked it there. It was definitely a duller roar of insanity compared to Shanghai.

Censorship

I may have mentioned this before but I cannot see this blog. I can only upload the posts. I am pretty sure the communists don't like me writing about girls dancing on bars and old ladies hawking loogies.

In fact, I am pretty sure the commies have tried to break into my place to confiscate my computer but the cops are too frail to break down the door to my apartment.

I can also attest that my brain is turning into oatmeal since I have been reading the good news only censored newspaper everyday. Also, I got tired of fixing the satellite every two weeks so I am stuck on the one English language channel. The news is all good. Business is booming, farmers are happy, young people are getting married, old people are healthy and the cops always get their man. While my brain may be oatmeal, I feel great.

Anyway, rest assured that while the economic miracle is in place, the communists are firmly in control.

5 Items

5 Items Only is a New Concept:



The upscale grocery store has a speed line. This is where the rich Chinese and white people shop. I go there for 8 dollar boxes of cereal and 10 dollar cans of crappy coffee. Since I am out of money after that, I like to go to the speed line. 5 items only. Keep in mind that the store is perpetually jam packed with a lot of people yelling at each other, into their cell phones and generally crowding your space.



Anyway, I am starting to think that the speed line is an "anti" speed line. The Euros who don't give a crap and the Chinese who either don't give a crap or have never heard of the speed line jump in there. So in fact, it is longer because you have clowns like me with two items and cash in hand in addition to the yahoos with a full shopping cart and a credit card that probably won't work. I always feel like China played another joke on me after I stand there for 15 minutes. The big white clown fell for it again. One of these times I will remember that even though it looks like America, it's not.

I never say anything since a sense of humor a lot of patience are complete necessities over here. I have witnessed other Chinese people go ballistic on the check out person though for not busting the people who don't know and don't care.



So you should know that check out line frustration exists in China. I am sure I will forget again when I go back for 8 dollar cereal.

Me, The Chairman and Blind Man Musicians

Here is one more reason why China is cool and crazy at the same time. I was eating at a Hunan joint last night (Hunan is spicy). They seated me across from two old ladies at a tiny table since the place was packed. I cannot read the menu there but I know the names of some foods. There is a big framed painting of Chairman Mao dead center on the back wall. It is the first thing you see when you walk in. Outside, there was a blind man led by a little boy playing one of those one stringed violins. In addition to the blind guy there was a mass of humanity walking around as it is a popular food street. Although it is a “walking” street, motorcycles are constantly cruising down it while laying on the horn and the occasional car wades through the crowds as well.

So here is why China rocks sometimes. I was just eating my Hunan food and reading my censored newspaper in the clearly communist restaurant when a kid maybe about 6 or 7 starts making all kind of racket (which is a lot due to the constant sound of jackhammers and people yelling at each other). Anyway, I think this little kid wanted to go give the blind man some money. But by this time, the blind man was down the road. So the grandma gives the little kid 10 RMB and some instructions. The kid goes out front and jumps on his mini-BMX and just wades into the people and starts weaving through the cars and motorcycles. The mom and grandma looked all peaceful like they were doing a good deed by teaching the kid how to help blindman musicians.

So why is that cool? Well, for one thing, it is weird so that is cool. The really cool part though is that this is taking place in downtown Shanghai. One of the biggest cities in the world. Yet, it is so safe from bad guys that parents will let their little kids go riding around until they find a blind beggar guy. At night. In the middle of hundreds of people. I guess people stress about stolen kids back home. If the communists catch kid stealers, those kid stealers are toast. The Chinese love kids. Anyway, it’s one less thing to worry about.

I never saw the little guy come back. He may have been hit by a car but the odds of that happening are pretty low. I think that because even though the Chinese are pretty crappy drivers, they would rather hit an old lady than a little kid.

So when you come to visit, remember that it’s safe from bad guys thanks to Chairman Mao and the one child policy.

Jogging in Shanghai

Jogging Route

I like to go for a jog sometimes. I belong to a club but it doesn’t open until 7:00 AM which is too late. So I jog outside. This is absolutely ridiculous. What am I thinking?

First of all, these days I am sweating before I even get out of the elevator. It is actually kind of like a free workout because you don’t even have to try to break a sweat. Then I hit the road which at 6:00 AM is already getting crowded. I have to dodge taxis, motorcycles, old guys walking backwards, old ladies doing tai chi, and the occasional dog that tries to chase me. The jogging route takes me past homeless dudes, homeless dudes’ bathrooms (stairwells), street vendors, recyclers and a dirty river. It is actually kind of like an ultra-sweaty cross training workout that requires all of your attention.

The topper is the pollution. Again, what am I thinking? Dripping sweat at 6:00 AM, sucking on coal and asbestos and jumping over dogs and street vendors like some kind of big, white clown.

Good times.

Lightning and Noodles

It is the wet season in Shanghai. Last week it was over 100 degrees most days. Luckily, it started to rain which cooled things down to the low 90’s. It is now finally cooling off to around 80 at night. I think it is like being in Houston Texas except there is a stifling layer of coal-based pollution and 24 million Chinese people yelling at each other.

Chinese ways to beat the heat include, fans (exotic?—maybe, effective?—absolutely), rolling your shirt up over your belly (it works), ice cream (I like the corn flavor; the bean flavor is an acquired taste), holding your brief case, purse or newspaper over your head in order to block the sun (again, it works), fanning yourself with your hand (doesn’t work and looks freaking silly), lounging in a chair on the sidewalk at 2:00 AM in a tank top and boxers while fanning yourself with anything (don’t know if it works but it happens a lot).

Anyway, today I jumped on my bike to go check out a new restaurant and see what band is playing at the Jazz and Blues club down the street. Halfway there, lightning rolled in followed by the gully washer to end all gully washers. I had to pull over into a doorway next to a torn up street. Eventually, I was sharing the doorway with 4 other people. They were all yelling at each other and calling people on their cell phones to yell at them about how they were stuck in a massive storm. Branches were breaking off the trees and I’m sure lightning was touching down in the neighborhood. We hung out in the doorway for about a half hour. There was a cafe about 30 feet away but it was raining so hard, I couldn’t bring myself to even cross the street.

The rain left the streets flooded. Cars and taxis were stalled. I rode around in a light rain while avoiding huge puddles until I found the restaurant. Keep in mind, I am wearing shorts and a T-shirt as it is still at least 85 degrees. I wasn’t hungry even though I stood around in the doorway for a long time. I went to a DVD store instead. The roof was leaking but luckily they had buckets. I bought the latest releases for 2 bucks each. Eventually I ended up at a small restaurant near my place.

A cool thing about being a white guy in China is that they usually think you are pretty freaking hilarious when you go to a Chinese place. I’m pretty sure these guys thought I was funny like a clown. Anyway, the food is brilliant. Once you get over the cockroaches and grease stains on the wall anyway. I was sitting outside, sweating…a lot. I was pretty sure the concrete wash basin outside was for washing clothes or auto parts; it had an old hose running into it. After some time, I came to realize that it was the dishwashing station for the restaurant. They used soap so it was cool. I’ll be back.

That’s all. Sorry it’s not funny or crazy. It just is. I thought I should write some stuff though. I’ll write some other stuff soon.