Notes to Myself

After two months of living in Shanghai I have made it a point to remember the following:

If I am in a cab and my co-worker pisses off the driver, get out. There are no seatbelts in China. When the cab driver flips his lid and starts going 85, weaving and laying on the horn, seatbelts are needed.

Most people will never say no. For that reason, everything is great until it’s not.

The dust in my apartment will never go away. That is because the fog outside is actually air pollution. At first I thought an ionic breeze would help, but now I think it would get overloaded and break.

Red lights are a suggestion.

Just like at home, a free right is permitted on a red light. Unlike at home the driver doesn’t have to stop, or look.

Just because the bus driver is laying on the horn as he comes barreling through an intersection doesn’t mean that he sees you. It means he may or may not see you, but either way, he is not stopping.

When riding a bike, don’t close the eyes to try to get out the metal shavings from the construction site out. Better to have burning eyes than not see the car going the wrong way in the bike lane.

Eat everything. It’s usually good. Ask your Chinese friends not to tell you what it is though.

If you need food but there is no English or pictures, point at stuff. People sitting at the next table do not care. Walk the whole restaurant to see what looks best.

When exiting an insanely crowded subway car, hold your bag with computer in it like a football. Otherwise, while you still have the strap on your shoulder and have left the train, your computer is still on the train wedged into the mass of humanity. If you hear the beeper indicating that the door is closing, pull very hard.

When your co-worker gives you some kind of smelly fish wrapped in plastic for breakfast, eat some, wait till she’s not looking and then chuck it in the trash in the next cubicle. When she gives you another one, say you are full and hide it.

If you say anything in Chinese, expect a barrage of Chinese questions, instructions and yelling. Resort to speaking in English and doing charades. Do not waste too much time doing charades as you look like an idiot.

When the Chinese person is yelling at you, it’s not because they are mad. Unless they are the cab driver your co-worker pissed off.

When construction workers wearing 3-piece suits and leather jackets break the last support that causes a roof to cave in on itself, they think it is just as cool as you do (the caving in part).

I think these tips will help anyone who comes to China. If I can think of some more useful tips I will put them on this internet blog.

That’s all for now.