Abe Lincoln

I was required to get a Chinese name for my official documents. I needed to pick one right away after I arrived in Shanghai. My co-worker Sabrina decided to help me by carefully researching the best name for marriage and wealth. She came up with the name Si Ma Tang. She told me that it was a very good name. Actually everyone said it was a good, classic Chinese name so I gave it to the cops to put on my official documents.

I have to get some business cards with a Chinese name on them. It's easier for the locals just like it's easier for Americans to call someone "Helen" instead of "Xiaominxiang". As such, a good name is important.

I realized something was up about a week later when I was doing a presentation and I told them my Chinese name and the whole group broke out laughing. I asked Sabrina and she said not to worry.

I then told another Chinese guy who lives in America and he told me it was a little odd for an American to be named Si Ma Tang but not to worry because it is a good classic name. Later, I went to a big banquet with 30 people or so and my Chinese buddy had a few beers and started making toasts to me so he could yell out "Si Ma Tang!" as loud as he could. Now I really knew I had a goofy name but I could not figure out just how goofy.

I kept asking people what the deal is with Si Ma Tang but it is like pulling teeth to get a straight answer (at least that I can understand). Either they don't want to hurt my feelings or it is a national conspiracy to keep me in the dark so they can keep laughing at me. Everyone tells me not to worry, it's a good name but then they break out laughing.

I need to get some business cards but I can't have a ridiculous name on there. I told Sabrina that I don't think Si Ma Tang is going to work because people seem to think it is pretty funny. She seemed a little disappointed because it was such a good name for marriage and wealth. She also insisted that it was a good, classic name.

Finally, I went to dinner with some Chinese people and a couple of Americans who have lived in China for several years. I told them my name and they both smirked and then started laughing. It turns out that Si Ma Tang is a very famous family name of emperors or something like that.

I get it now. It would be like if a Chinese guy moved to America and decided to name himself Abraham Lincoln. Both the Americans told me that is about the size of it.

I am the Abraham Lincoln of China.