Ransom

My boss’s boss had her passport, work permit, computer, cell phone camera etc. stolen last week from a Chinese Starbucks.

Today, some dudes arrived at her apartment with passport and work permit in hand and told her husband that it would cost 500 RMB to get them back. Actually, the husband doesn’t speak Chinese so he put them on the line with the office manager here. The office manager (ex- Chinese military) figured out what they wanted, said it was total crap and told the husband that he needed to talk them down to 100 or 200.

It was funny to me that instead of recommending to the husband that he A) whack these tiny Chinese guys over the head and take the documents or B) lock them out and call the cops, the manager recommended C) that the husband talk them down to 12 US dollars instead of 60.

Instead, the criminals handed over the documents to the husband for free and told the office manager they were on the way to the office to collect the ransom.

Sure enough, a dude that went about a buck ten with spiky hair and a cheap suit showed up about an hour later. He waited patiently in the lobby until the executive assistant came out with the 500 RMB. She told him that he could only have the money if he promised not bribe his way into my boss’s boss’s apartments anymore. I swung by the lobby to take a look at how a Chinese criminal gets paid off. It was quite surreal to see the young, smartly dressed executive assistant calmly sitting with spiky hair, punk guy and explaining to him the terms of his payoff. Apparently a deal was struck and buck ten spiky hair criminal took off with his 60 bucks.

One thing I can’t figure out is why the bone-head criminals would give up the goods before getting the ransom. I also can’t figure out why the company told them to come on down to the office to collect the ransom even though the criminals didn’t have the goods.

Finally, I cannot figure out where the hell I am.

Xitang

I went to town called Xitang on the weekend. It is about a one hour bus ride from Shanghai.

I went with one guy from Beijing and another guy from Tokyo. It was good to have the Beijing guy due to his ability to speak Chinese.

I have thought that sometimes having a native speaker present does not make things easier. In fact, it seems that everything spirals into chaos as people all start yelling at each other. In this case, we entered the bus ticket center and in true Chinese fashion, it was mass of humanity, slightly humid and extremely loud. My Beijing buddy figured out the deal and got in the massive line to buy tickets. After waiting for some insanity in front of us to subside, he approached the counter, yelled at the lady, waited for her to talk to somebody, yelled at her again and then purchased the tickets. Luckily, he can read Chinese because after he took a closer look, he realized we had the wrong tickets. We went to a small room where Beijing and the ticket people yelled at each other for several minutes and then they finally gave us our money back. We then waited in the massive line again and we got the right tickets. If it was just me, I would have said thanks a lot, chilled out until the bus left and I might have realized I was in the wrong town once I got there. Either way, not knowing what is going on certainly has its upside. The other upside is that the locals just want to get rid of you instead of fruitlessly trying to get you to understand. No yelling, no arguments, just a slightly irritated Chinese worker pointing you in the right direction.

Xitang is very nice. It is a canal town with very few tourists (relatively). It is an ancient town with lanes that can’t accommodate cars. As such it is quiet and the insanity is kept to a dull roar. It took me a short time to realize I couldn’t hear any cars or horns at all. It was nice. They have old houses you can tour and lots of restaurant type places right on the canals. The people are pretty mellow too. It was a nice break from the insanity of Shanghai.

On the way home, we got stuck in a traffic jam due to a tour bus just like ours that was involved in a massive wreck which left the mangled bus on its side and blocking the road. I was concerned. So was the bus driver; that we were behind schedule. He used all three lanes and the shoulder and generally drove like an aggressive, pissed off Chinese bus driver who wanted to get home on a Sunday night.

Overall, the trip to Xitang was very nice except for the ticket station insanity and the aggressive bus driver. But so far, I have found that if it is not slightly insane, it is not China.