Hangzhou

I decided to go to Hangzhou for a few days vacation for the Chinese New Year. It is a lake town about 2 hours by train from Shanghai. My Chinese co-worker set it up for me. She was going up there to pray at a famous Buddhist temple and when she heard I wanted to go, she offered to be my guide.

Hangzhou is a lake town that is really nice because it has lots of hills, trees and gardens with canals and lakes throughout. Since it is really nice and all of China is on vacation, it was jam packed with tourists. The good part is that if you walk an extra 5 minutes away from the noisy and colorful attractions or better yet, go somewhere that is not accessible by escalator, you can escape the crowds. Sabrina told me that the crowds were actually quite light because of the cool weather.

West Lake

We hit the Lingyin temple so Sabrina could pray to the Buddha. Much like Frank trying to find the cop station when I first arrived, Sabrina approaches everyone and anyone to get directions. A shouting match usually ensues, maps come out and in the end she is pretty good buddies with the person who she was just yelling at.

We taxied, bussed and walked to the temple. It is a huge complex with grounds, caves, its own mountain and hundreds or maybe thousands of Buddhas. Sabrina had a book with handwritten directions as to the best way to pray. She needed to make sure to hit the right Buddhas (she prayed to no less than 25 Buddhas). They all have different powers and you have to make sure you have the right number of incense sticks for each one.

You think praying might be peaceful. Not in China. There were thousands of people throwing elbows to get a place to pray. They were also firing up huge bunches of incense. I am amazed no one caught on fire with the open flame everywhere and all those people jammed in there. I had to jump out of the way of flames several times from some of the faithful waving their incense around with their eyes closed.

Insane Prayer Festival


After the insane prayer ceremony, we climbed the mountain to see the Buddha in charge of wealth. It was a tough climb. Luckily at the top and in front of the temple was an old leather couch where the pilgrims could take a load off.

After the Lingyin Temple, we took the wrong bus despite Sabrina asking at least 5 people how to get the bus. So we pushed our way off and got another bus that took us to the 6 Harmonies Pagoda which was pretty cool but I was a little worried that it would fall down (again).

After the Pagoda, Sabrina wanted to check out the Song Dynasty town a little ways down the road (See the Song dynasty town entry).

The next day, we rented bikes for 75 cents an hour. Mine was a little tweaked and started to shimmy pretty bad when I got the speed up. It turns out that the old saying about riding a bike is true which is good because I had not ridden a bike in about 4 years and in Hangzhou you have to share the bike lanes with people, cars and busses. It turns out that it was a great way to get around and see lots of pools and canals and it gets the adrenaline up trying to avoid everything. I followed Sabrina who would plow right into a crowd of people working the bell the whole time (unless she stopped to ask directions). At first I thought there was no way we could ride but it seems that people and cars tend to make a path for bikes. Busses do not.

We also took a ferry that was (big shocker) jam packed with people. I tried to locate the life jacket station in case of swamping but it was definitely not marked if it existed. We checked out some islands that had neat architecture and big pools of carp.

These kids spoke perfect English but didn't where the lifejackets were.

The food on my Chinese vacation consisted mostly of spicy hot pot. I let Sabrina order everything. I think she got upset since I had no opinion but I have no basis for an opinion so I just eat everything until I can form one. If I kept track I think I would be pretty close to eating every part of a cow. The good news is that almost anything tastes good when you boil it in spicy soup. I also drank the local brew which proudly proclaims on the bottle, “Made with No Formaldehyde”.

We took the late train back to Shanghai. I was not surprised when they let several hundred people off the train only to find out that the subway was closed, the busses were not running because the drivers are on vacation and there was literally one taxi out front. Sabrina talked to 4 or 5 people and led me out to the street where she outran a bunch of guys to grab a taxi. We jumped in where she had a blow out argument with the driver which almost resulted in us having to get out but I think she convinced the driver to at least take me home before he booted her out. I did not ask as she jumped out once we were in the vicinity of my place.

One of my favorite parts of the trip was all of the smiles I got from people. I was definitely more of an oddity than in Shanghai. Lots of kids wanted to practice English with me since they are learning it in school. The old people loved it when I would smile and say “Ni Hao” to them.

Overall, my Hangzhou trip was really fun. It was great to have a local who could show me the sights. It was exhausting but we saw great scenery, some really interesting history and mixed it up with a heavy dose of insanity. I’m not sure if that is what Chinese people call relaxation but I am happy to be back in Shanghai and close to sauna in my apartments. Tonight I will be eating pizza I think.

Song Dynasty Town

During my Hangzhou trip, my Chinese co-worker wanted to check out the Song Dynasty town. I was tired but thought it would be nice to see some historical stuff. It turns out that it was actually a re-creation and was sort of like a mini-Disneyland.

In true Chinese fashion, they had some Chinese pop music absolutely blasting in the main area. There were tour groups everywhere being led around with bull horns and flags. Sabrina took the opportunity to pray to a couple of Buddhas and get her palm read by a monk. I took the opportunity to shoot a bow and arrow. As I was shooting, the helper lady entered the range to grab some arrows. She must have thought I was a good enough shot not to hit her or else maybe she thought the rusty semi-sharp tip of the arrow would not hurt her.

They had a big lake with all kinds of rope swings and balance beams in the middle. There were about 100 people all standing around and every once in a while someone would take to the rope swing and fail to make it across. It was really cold and dark out to be swimming around fully clothed in a Chinese Disneyland.

We watched a ridiculous water show that showed a movie using a huge spray of water for a screen. The sound system was super loud and kept crackling and shutting off. The movie involved an old guy, a warrior and two ladies that kept asking the warrior to watch them take a bath. After a while the old guy and one of the ladies had a kung fu fight and then the warrior turned into a frog.

We squeezed our way into a crowd to watch a kind of funny play that involved an old fashioned wedding. At the end, they threw candy to the crowd which caused a frenzy that was borderline panic mode.

Overall, the Song Dynasty town was really fun but the visual, audio and mental stimuli makes for an exhausting historical excursion.

Chinese New Year

As if things in China weren’t already ridiculous, they decided it was a great idea to make cheap fireworks available to the entire populous for the Lunar New Year.

I understand that at midnight you have to blow off fireworks to scare off the dragons. There is a myth that one time a dragon was going to attack a village but was scared by noise and fire. As far as I can tell, most things in China are set up to keep the dragons away.

The Chinese New Year is like our Christmas I think. You get a week off and most people travel to their hometowns to be with their family. New Year’s Eve is like the big Christmas dinner and everyone gets presents. After that, they go outside and blow off professional grade fireworks in the street.

My apartment building is in a pretty Chinese part of town but it is expensive for the locals. As such, the Chinese people in my apartments have enough money to buy some serious firepower. At about 11:00 there were about 6 people with huge piles of fireworks inside the courtyard. They have enormous rolls of firecrackers that never stop and meanwhile they send up mortars that blow up right outside my windows. I stepped outside and got hit with fragments of paper or something. My apartment smelled like gunpowder (which made me wonder if the thing that looks like a smoke detector is what I think it is). Sometimes the stuff was still smoldering when it hit the balcony.

The best is when the fireworks go up, do not explode and then come back down. After they blow up on the ground, everyone ducks, laughs and the 5 year olds keep running around with sparklers.

After a while, I met some people down by the river where we had a great view on a balcony. At midnight, the town went absolutely ballistic. It was non-stop for at least an hour. We kept getting hit with debris from some guys who had a freaking arsenal in the alley below the balcony.

I’m sure that if I could read the local paper, it would tell me that several people were maimed or killed in their efforts to scare off the dragons.

Either way, Chinese New Year is definitely one of the coolest holidays I have witnessed.

What Street.

I thought I could tell the taxi driver how to take me home. I know how to say the cross streets and then once they get there I can say, straight, left, right and stop.

I was having lots of success until about a week ago. I started having to get out of cabs because the guy could not understand what I was saying. The conversation went like this:

Me: “Ni Hao, Beijing Lu kau jin Shimen Lu”. (Hello, Beijing Rd. nearby Shimen Rd.)

Driver: “Shimen Lu?” (Shimen Rd.?)

Me: “Dui, Shimen Lu.” (Yes, Shimen Rd.)

Driver: “Shimen Lu, bla bla bladdy bla bla?” (Shimen Rd. and a bunch of stuff I don’t understand).

Me: “Dui! Shimen Lu.” (Yes, please understand what I am saying because I am clearly saying it wrong.)

Driver: “Shimen Lu???” (I need to make money giving people rides, not have a tea party with some foreigner in the back seat of my car).

Me: “Dui!!!, Shimen Lu” (This is clearly not going my way).

Driver: “Bla, bla bladdy blab la!!!!” (Those horns are cars that want me to move and those people standing outside the window know where they want to go and will pay me to go there!!!!).

Me: “Mei wen ti, xijian.” (Okay, no problem, good bye).

Driver: “Bla, bla bladdy blab la.” (Thank God you are leaving).

So after this happened too many times, I asked my language teacher what the problem was. I told him “Shimen Lu” is where I live. He looked really confused. He told me that I just asked him “What street?”…..Oh crap.

I have been sitting in the back of cabs going, “hey buddy, take me to Beijing Road and What Street.”

“What Street?”

“That’s right, What Street.”

“What street?!?!?”

“Yeah dude, What Street!!!”

Oh man. Finally, a co-worker found out that I live at Shimen No. 2 Road. So now I have started telling the driver, “Shimen Er Lu”. I know I am probably saying “What Street No. 2” but the guy gets it now.

I need to get better at the language soon!

Chickens and the Super Bowl

Chinese Street Sign

On Sunday I went for a walk through Old Town. I walked through little lanes where people are selling everything from plastic toys to stereo equipment to fake Viagra. I know how to order these steamed buns that have meat in them so I can stay fueled up while I walk. Sometimes my ordering skills deteriorate to pointing but the meat muffins are so good I have to persist until I get them. It is best to not think about what the meat is or where it came from.

I found a street that must have been the meat market because there were chickens, geese, fish heads and eels all hanging from the power lines. There was also a lot of laundry hanging from the power lines and the trees.

I found my way to the Yu Gardens where I was still a little hungry. Everyone was happily chowing down on little birds on a stick. Head, claws and everything. I decided I better try one. For about 75 cents, a guy dipped the bird in a vat of grease, then threw it on a grill and sprinkled some pepper on it. Since it was fried, it was actually quite tasty. The weird part is trying to get a good piece of meat and having the little bird staring at you. I’m pretty sure they are pigeons.

As I was walking back to the subway, some guys suddenly pulled a chicken out of a box and started slaughtering it right there on the sidewalk. Luckily I had a bag of muffins so I stood there and watched them drain chicken blood into the gutter while I had a snack. One chicken wouldn’t die so to the delight of the kids standing next to me, the guy grabbed it by the neck and started whacking it on the pavement. Wow.

The next day I went to a local pub with some co-workers to watch the super bowl. Kickoff was at 7:30 AM. When I arrived, some friendly Germans asked me what I would like to drink. I said coffee but got beer. The pub did not have the full commercial feed so at halftime, they hired an extremely attractive Chinese girl to dance on the bar.

I thought it was a bit surreal when I went from eating pigeons to drinking beer and seeing girls dance on the bar at 9:30 in the morning. My co-workers assured me that this is normal in Shanghai. Where am I?

Kung Fu Tea Party

I went for a walk in People's Square last weekend. I have a Lonely Planet guide book which has suggested walking tours. It's great.

People's square is sort of like ground zero in downtown Shanghai. It is one subway stop east of my apartment. It's right next to the main shopping area, the art museum and the performing arts center.

The park is pretty entertaining. They have rides for kids including bumper cars and one those swing rides. They also have a little pool filled with goldfish. You can get a tiny fishing pole and go fishing for goldfish. I thought it was for kids but there were lots of grown ups all crowded around this little wading pool trying hook a fish. Who knows what happens to those fish after they get caught.

I went to the art museum. It was extremely high quality. My favorites were the Buddhas, the jade and the furniture. It deserves about 3 or 4 hours and is definitely worth it. You get one of the things that you can listen to as well. They did not tell me they wanted a deposit when I paid. In true Chinese fashion, I talked the girl down on the deposit. She wanted about 50 US dollars which I did not have so she took everything I had in my wallet which was about 30. She was pissed.

After the museum, I was pretty spent but I was determined to grind out the rest of my walking tour. I was standing there with my tour book when a group of people came up to me and starting chatting me up. I too tired to run or make up an excuse so I talked to them. After a while I found out they were visiting students and they were on their way to a tea ceremony and they asked me to join them. I thanked them and said no.

I found a bench and continued reading my tour book to make sure I did not miss anything. Just then two girls walked by and said hello. They too were students just visiting and were on their way to the tea ceremony. They said it was a “Kung Fu Tea Ceremony” and it only happens once a year. For some reason I thought we would sit around and chug tea while some guys went at each other with axes and knives. Since I was heading that way anyway, I walked with them.

After some twists and turns, they entered a mall. At the bottom of some stairs was a sign that said “Kung Fu Tea Ceremony”. It was clearly a scam. I wanted to give them pointers on how they could sell it better. The girls were excellent liars though. They had me going for at least 15 minutes that they liked me and wanted to have tea with me. My revenge was chewing up a half hour of their time because they thought they had a fish on.

I looked it up when I got home. The tea ceremony scam is when some cute girls get a foreigner to go to tea. Then some snacks show up. The guy gets stuck with a bill that could be as high as several hundred dollars. The tea house has some burly guys that help you find your wallet. The girls get a kick back.

So, if you are a white guy reading a tour book in People’s Square in Shanghai, remember that in a town of 17 million people, the odds of some strangers asking you to have tea with them and not wanting something from you are low.

Look Up

Shanghai is under construction. I read that 10 percent of the world's construction cranes are in Shanghai. Workers from the country come in and get paid ridiculously low wages to work day and night in less than safe working conditions. By less than safe, I mean the guy who is balancing on bamboo scaffolding 10 stories up with no hard hat probably doesn't have the right gear to remove that asbestos. It's cool at night though when you see the blue glow of blow torches in the high rises.

I went for a walk behind my apartments last weekend. It's nice because there are old neighborhoods where people are drying their meat next to their socks. I went down a street where they were butchering fish on the sidewalk. They put live fish and crabs and turtles in little bins of water and when you want one, they chop it up right there.

Behind my Apartment

There is so much action my neck started to hurt from looking at everything. I had about 10 little kids following me and yelling "hello, hello" for quite a while. At one point, I heard a crash, a huge thud and the sound of broken glass hitting the sidewalk. An air conditioner had fallen out of a window and landed right next to a lady working her sewing machine on the sidewalk. She was covered in glass. She stood up and started yelling up at the window but there was no one to be seen. I was stunned. It did not phase the little kid who was peeing in the street next to me.

So now, I cross the street if the building I am walking next to is under construction.