Blowout Chinese Fights

Dear Friends-

As I mentioned earlier, I came back. But I now I went back.

I thought I would have to do something crazy to see something crazy enough to write about. But China never disappoints.

I just arrived in Shanghai. The flight starts with a 10 hour flight to Tokyo where your meditation skills are tested by the crying baby that inevitably sits in your section.

Arriving in Tokyo is actually not too bad because the Japanese are so polite and the place is eerily clean and quiet.

Boarding the flight to China is when it all goes downhill though. It is always a festival of pushing, shoving, little old ladies trying to lift giant bags, Shanghai girls with way too many bags of Japanese products banned by the commies and dudes coughing on you. I am over that though. That's just how it is from time to time. I do get a kick out of trying to predict who will stand up and try to open the overhead compartment when the airplane is taxiing (it happens 75% of the time).

Tonight we were treated to a blow out Chinese fight on the airplane though. That is a first for me. I would see blow out arguments on the street all the time and definitely on the train (you are in my seat, no I am not). But never on an international flight.

I couldn't quite figure out what was going on but all I knew was the lady two seats in front wanted to stay and all ten of the flight attendants and the ground crew wanted her to leave. She was screaming at them and had herself buckled in for dear life. I do know that sending the Japanese to try to remove a Chinese migrant worker (just a guess based on her bags made out of canvas) is a good way to escalate any situation.

It is kind of hard to describe a Chinese blow out fight but you just have to imagine lots of yelling and red faces. I don't know why they do it but I heard it had something to do with saving face once you take a stand.

The best part is that after the Chinese lady had decided to make her seat her own little Alamo for a while, the other Chinese passengers started to yell at her, the flight attendants and each other. At about the time the flight was supposed to depart, at least 20 people were standing up in my section and half of them were yelling. At that point, I think the airline just decided to let the lady ride before everything blew up even more.

I think that in America, this would be extremely alarming (as in, we don't need no terrorists or crazies on the airplane). In China (or flights bound for China), it is normal.

China does not disappoint.

I am sure I will have more later.

Dear Friends-

I came back.

In China, they like to state the obvious so they will just come out and say “I came back” or “You came back” even though you are both well aware of what just happened. The only thing is that in China everything has some hidden meaning that I can never figure out. So when they tell you “I came back” they are probably telling you that they have just lost all of their money and their father is in jail but you would never know. That’s probably why everybody is always smiling at me. They know I have no idea what is going on because I am missing 4,000 years of cultural training. Smiling sure is better than giving people the bird in heavy traffic though.

Anyway, I came back. No hidden meaning. Just stating the obvious.

Some people told they were “learning” stuff by reading my internet website. I recommend that you don’t brag about your new brainpower if you think you are getting smarter by reading my half-baked ideas. Most likely, the Asian people you talk to will want to come over and beat me up for my lack of understanding of pretty much everything.

Some people also said that when they read my blog website that they thought I hated China. Actually, I really like it there. By “really like”, I mean “experience of a lifetime”. The food, the people and the action are entirely engaging at all times.

Anyway, I thought I would update this website to let my friends know that I got out alive. I seem to have come into contact with the right motorcycle taxis, questionable street food, rogue communist cops and rookie drivers passing on blind corners. Except for when I didn’t.

I got some more stuff to write about when I get some time and a bunch of photos. Plus, I am going back there for business trips. So if I see some wierd things happening (inevitable), I will try to add the action to the blog website. So I came back, but I am also going back (no hidden meaning).

Enjoy a few photos and check back later.

Strange Idol Worship

Tea Fields

Hot Pot---A Brilliant Way to Eat

Tibetan Orphans at Dickey Orphanage in Lhasa. These kids have no connections in China or Tibet (which is also China) so they are basically hosed. Really cute though and if you stop by they sing for you and show you their stuff (which is like nothing).

Tibetan Beer---Avoid

They use bamboo for food, hats, boats, chopsticks, doormats, dinnerware and in this case, scaffolding. Bamboo tastes good.

The Cormorants go fishing for the local guys. They tie a rope around their neck so they can't swallow the fish though. Nice.

EXTREMELY questionable street food. REALLY good though.

Some temple/place for farmers to nap in the south of China

Fairly typical meal. The plastic tablecloth makes it easy to spit the bones on the table. Gross? Maybe. Really tasty? Absolutely.




Sunset over the seawall near my house in The Republic of China (Taiwan). See previous posts about Chinese missiles pointed at Taiwan if you are confused.

Dealing with Traffic Accidents in Taiwan

Here are some tips for dealing with traffic accidents in Taiwan. Specifically when you rear end someone while trying to wedge into traffic.


Firstly, as in any traffic incident, don't panic. Even if you have to do some paper work or visit the cops, your Taiwan friends will go with you and do all the talking.


Number 2, since it is raining, hang out in your car for a while. This lets the victim of your carelessness realize he is getting wet while staring at the minimal damage. Hanging out for a while also lets the traffic jam grow while the poor guy tries to figure out what to do.


Number 3, and most important, when you finally get out of the car, speak ONLY English. This is very important. Not only will the guy panic when he sees you are a foreigner, he will literally freak out when you speak English very quickly. He will blank out on any lessons he ever took.

You should say, "Ohman, I am really sorry because I just woke up and was trying to do the radio and check Blackberry and wave goodbye to the parking attendant all at the same time but the good news is that both of our bumpers are so mangled already that it is impossible to see any damage and that is what bumpers are for anyway right?"

This final tactic should be the hammer as the guy is wet, people are honking and he is already not really sure what to do.

It is okay to feel good when he literally runs back to his car and drives away quickly. You have saved time for yourself, the guy and your co-worker that would have had to talk to the cops.

So there are a few tips. Just in case.

Hunger

Maybe it's time to come home.





I was driving to Taipei yesterday morning. Along the way, I passed a truck full of pigs. That's not unusual since pork is the most common meat. What was different this time is that their big ears flapping in the wind actually made me hungry.





I sort of lost concentration and started salivating on the big floppy ears. Later, we went to the restaurant that had chopped pig ear for appetizers. Its quite tasty when prepared properly.





What happened to me?

Mmmm....Pig Ear.....

I Can Read Chinese

This weekend I was brushing my teeth. The toothpaste has a picture of a smiling guy with a bow tie and a top hat. I didn’t think too much of it. The toothpaste works and it was on sale.


I've been using it for a while but it wasn't until recently that I could recognize some Chinese words so while brushing my teeth I started looking at the words on the tube.



I could recognize the words "Man" and "Black". What? Yes, that's right, the toothpaste is called "Black Man Toothpaste". I had to ask someone if I was reading this properly. Surely, you couldn’t launch a blatantly racist ad campaign in a country as civilized as Taiwan. Turns out that you can and I have been unkowningly using racist toothpaste for months. No cavities though.


Black Man Toothpaste

Trouble With the Law

I got a speeding ticket. The only problem is that it was 3 months ago, the first week I had a car. So now I am paranoid that I have a bunch of tickets over the last 3 months that I don't know about yet. They have cameras everywhere that snap your picture if you go 10 kmh over the limit. That's like getting caught doing 36 mph in a 30 mph zone so it is easily done. It's also a problem when you aren't really sure what the speed is and there aren't any cars around.

My co-workers pointed out the sign that warns you that a camera is coming up. All in chinese. Sweet. I couldn't ever figure out why people were going pedal to the metal and then would suddenly jam on the brakes for no reason. I was taking that as my cue to go around the crappy driver with no sense of maintaining speed. Oops.

The good news is that the ticket is only $50 USD (assuming the USD doesn't continue to tank). I have to pay at the local 7-11. I think the girl behind the counter is going to get to know me and my legal troubles pretty well.

Some Photos

Recently flooded rice field near my house.

Yer another field. These water logged fields are excellent mosquito incubators. That means I have to go on mosquito patrol before bed every night. Nothing worse than buzzing in your ear right before you fall asleep.






Lion's Head Mountain- A trail network with a bunch of temples.

View at Lion's Head. Cool pagoda.
Huge temple up there in the mountains.

I didn't know you could headbang in Buddhist heaven.

Check out the earlobes.

Lobes.

That is my office on the left. We have our own farm. Well it is not really my company's farm but I guess "zoning" is relative so things are all mixed up. I like to watch the farmer on my break sometimes and I am pretty sure that stuff he sprays is not organic.

We also have our own chicken. The only explanation I have been able to get is that he is good for eating centipedes.

Also next to the office we have a pretty cool gate and a guard dog. Don't worry, he is just sleeping. Actually all he does is sleep in the street, bark at cars and show up in the restaurant to eat left over pork chops. I am jealous.